Breaking the Victim Mindset: A Therapist’s Story of Resilience

In this episode, Pat sits down with Fabienne (Fab) Galhidi, therapist, professor and speaker, who shares her journey through childhood trauma, the victimization mindset, and her path to healing and self-discovery. She discusses the importance of self-care, gratitude, and emotional regulation, as well as her work with youth and the impact of trauma. Fab emphasizes the significance of true friendship in personal growth and the need for accountability in the process of growing up.

What You'll Learn:

• Childhood trauma can lead to a victimization mindset.
• Healing requires confronting past traumas and taking accountability.
• Self-care goes beyond basic activities; it involves deeper emotional work.
• Gratitude can shift your mindset and improve your outlook on life.
• Anger is often a secondary emotion that masks deeper issues.
• Building resilience is a gradual process that requires discipline.
• True friendships challenge us to grow and confront our blind spots.
• Growing up means accepting responsibility for your life and choices.
• Emotional regulation is key to managing anger and stress.
• Finding purpose in helping others can be a powerful motivator for change.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Hook & Intro
• 1:13 Childhood, Trauma & Rebellion
• 5:14 Nightlife, Numbing & the Turning Point
• 7:21 Understanding the Victim Mindset
• 11:15 Inner Child Work & Letting Go of Old Beliefs
• 13:32 Finding Purpose: A Calling to Help Youth
• 20:00 Lessons from Working with At-Risk Populations
• 24:07 Tools for Healing: Self-Care, Breathwork & Gratitude
• 39:30 Emotional Regulation, Anger & the Power of Awareness
• 49:05 From Victimhood to Self-Worth
• 57:55 Outro

Transcript

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (00:02)
Write down 50 things, 50 strengths about you. If you can, write 100 and read them out loud.

because that's who you are. Don't focus on, ⁓ I don't have a degree and whatever. Don't focus on, my parents always wanted me to be, who cares? You have your own life and you have to cherish that. Not everyone has the opportunity to be here today. Not everyone.

Pat Tenneriello (00:35)
Welcome to After Peter Pan. I'm your host Pat Tenerello. Hope you're enjoying your summer. We're back after a short hiatus to speak with psychotherapist Fabienne Ghalidi She has decades of experience working with youth, trauma survivors and people rebuilding their lives. She shares her powerful story from lost soul working in the nightlife scene to finding her path through therapy and service. We talk about the victim mindset, building resilience, gratitude.

what it really means to take ownership of your life. She shares a lot of practical tools for emotional regulation, self care with small daily actions that could have a big impact. This episode is really about becoming the person that you needed when you were young. Enjoy.

Pat Tenneriello (01:13)
So maybe we can start by you taking us back to your younger years. What was life like for you growing up?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (01:20)
I am coming from immigrant's parents. So it was there was a lot of pressure from I would say from my father coming from a very, very strict background and being in the wars.

back in the days when they came here, it was for a better life. So, you know, the American dream, it was a Canadian dream to come here and be filthy rich, right? It didn't happen that way, but that was the dream. So I grew up in a family where my parents, my dad was very, very strict. And so yeah, they divorced after a while and...

I would say that's about when my life started to be a little bit rocky then. So I've experienced unfortunate situation that brought me into a mode where I became like the black sheep of the family, let's just say so very young at a young age, starting at four years old. I had to be resilient and courageous. So

That's where it all comes from. When you say black sheep of the family, what do you mean by that?

Pat Tenneriello (02:23)
And when you say black sheep of the family, like, what do mean by that?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (02:27)
very hard for me to be in a little box being told what to do ⁓ and having parents being very strict. At some point I kind of started to be rebellious. So my parents were divorced so I ended up you know there was a point where I lived up to my dad and that at some point I decided to AWOL because my dad was very very strict. I couldn't do anything. I was 14 years old and then

It started way younger when it started to, hide from my parents that I was going out. So I would go in and sleep at a friend's house. And then the drinking, like what some, I wouldn't say most teenagers, but the ones that I wanna try things. So I was always the one would be more like,

not listening to my parents and doing the opposite that they would ask me. It was my way to be a rebel and say, no, I'm going to do it my way. I'm going to do whatever I want. that's when I left went to Cegep wasn't working for me. And then I started working in the bar scene. So yeah, for...

11 years working in the bar scene. So from, you know, working in those not so

wonderful bars to working in upscale five-star restaurant and at the parliament. So I've done it all and it kind of fascinated, like shaped me into who I am today. know, everyone has

Pat Tenneriello (03:40)
Thank

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (03:53)
Every experience we have, every trauma we have comes from the result of who I am today.

Pat Tenneriello (03:59)
And when you said you went AWOL, does that mean you actually left home or like were you young when you left home?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (04:04)
I did.

it was 24 hours, but it was enough for my father to find me. and let's just say it was my last time I was at my dad's. I remember he picked me up. And I was like, why did you find me because it was very strict and didn't leave me much space. He had other children. And I would

have to take care of them. And it was a rough patch for me as a 12 year old back in the day. So when I was 14, I decided that I was going to go out with all my friends. And I just decided never to come home. But he was worried. And when he found me, European man, strict. So he gave me the shh. And then he called my mom and he said, I'm sending your daughter back.

you. And that was it for me after that. Like I kept a relationship with him, but it was never, never a strong father daughter relation. yeah, I was four when they split up. That's why I it all started. my, my traumas started from when my parents divorced.

Pat Tenneriello (05:01)
I see. Right. Your parents were already split up by then.



Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (05:14)
There was after that some sexual abuse when I was very young and then, you know, not being able to get through this and putting it under the carpet and becoming, I think that's why I became much of a rebel at some point. So after having this, you know, nightlife clubbing, attention that you get from working in the bar scene, alcohol, drugs, everything, you name it, right?

I remember at some point, was getting old, I was like 27, I think. And I remember that night where I'm looking at everyone in the club and I'm like behind the bar, I'm looking like, what the, am I doing here? know? said, I don't want this anymore. That's it, I'm done. I remember it was like so, so strong. was like, could almost like dissociated.

and looking at myself from up there and saying like, no, that's not for you, man anymore. It's time for you to do something else. And

I went back to school and today I am who I am because of all of this, right? But it was a rough patch. was, ⁓ I have told you before, like I was a lost soul for so many years, so many years. And the reason being not being able to tell the truth about

what happened to me, tell the truth of who I am now and accepting and being in this victimization life and mindset. 27 years, like from four years old, this happened to me, and there's like events after events where we all go through traumas or situations that can be traumatic. And for me, at that

I was just in my in a victimization mindset, you know pour me pour me this happen and that but at the end of the day if you don't take actions towards healing towards forgiving towards letting go things that you can't control you're always gonna be in that spiral of victimization

Pat Tenneriello (07:19)
Yeah, so that's interesting.

how would you?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (07:21)
Like how would

you describe this victimization mindset? Because I'm thinking of myself, I went through childhood trauma as well. And for me, it was almost like it never happened for like 20 years. It's like I blacked it out. It's like I didn't go there. And it's like it wasn't even in my subconscious. I just, wasn't, it took a moment with my sister.

Pat Tenneriello (07:21)
describe this victimization mindset because I'm thinking of myself. went through childhood trauma as well. And for me, it was almost like it never happened for like 20 years. It's like, I blacked it out. It's like, I didn't want to go there. And it's like, it wasn't even in my subconscious. I just, and then it took, it took a moment with my sister

where she brought up her trauma. And then all of a sudden it was like a switch went off and like, that happened to me too. I had totally forgotten.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (07:44)
Where she brought up her trauma and then all of sudden was like a switch went off. I'm like that happened to me, too I had totally forgot

When you talk about victimization mindset, how does that factor in? What was your experience there was time where you want to put it under the carpet like it didn't happen or I remember

Pat Tenneriello (07:52)
When you talk about victimization mindset, how does that factor in? what was your experience like?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (08:04)
For me, because I was four years old when the abuse happened. And I told my mom and at that time she didn't know what to do. I remember we just never went back to these people who were taking care of us. But my sister wasn't able to talk about it. She was a little bit older. I said it and then it's we never went back.

it changed someone's life. It changed, it changed my childhood. It changes everything. And that's when, you know, I think I put it under the carpet, but there was the behaviors that were not, that were saying, crying for help, crying for healing, crying for, you know, someone to understand what I was trying to say. And it's not easy when like you don't,

Pat Tenneriello (08:43)
Hm.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (08:52)
really know like you kind of said it like for you you put it under the rug and it never happened until someone said because you blocked it because sometimes it's too painful so it was a little bit like that for me at some point I couldn't remember my childhood besides some major events that were not wonderful and I would say that at some point my sister and I talked about it

Pat Tenneriello (09:03)
Mm-hmm.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (09:15)
And I remember asking her like, can we talk about this? And she said, for her, she was she wasn't there anymore. She said to me, I don't want to talk about this. I'm married now. I have my life. And I'm like, OK. So it was just like to each his own healing journey. Right. At that point, she she just she had done the work that she had and she just didn't want to go there. And for me, it was like,

wait a minute, can someone can I talk about? So what happened then is I went to do some personal growth. I remember there was a friend of mine who said, hey, Fab, you should start maybe think about doing some something for yourself and it's a weekend. And I said, I don't know. But to retract to

Your question too is, was always in the... poor me. Some... I wouldn't say depression, but a state of mind that was negative. Not really knowing I was negative. It was a good friend of mine, Brenda, who said, you know, sometimes like, it's heavy, you're heavy. I was like, what? I'm heavy? What do mean? You know? But then...

After taking a step back and her having, letting me know like that I'm, I was negative. It kind of like hit me like, wow, like I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be negative. I don't want to be heavy on my friends because I'm like, pour me, pour me. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. It was like, it was heavy. So I went to this weekend and that's when it started for me. Starting.

doing some group therapy to, I don't know in English, in French, desencrer. So when you have like, you know, your parents, my dad told me, you're only going to be a waitress for the rest of your life. So what do you think? Like my unconscious said, okay, I'm going to be a waitress for the rest of my life. And it stayed there. So I did some group therapy about

Pat Tenneriello (11:12)
Yeah.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (11:15)
learning how to take care of your little child in you, little Fabienne, little Pat. you know, detach from the core beliefs that your parent had told you or from what you believed and just like learn to take care of that little person, little child in you. And then that's how slowly I built myself going back to school. And that's how

It's by the little actions that I slowly decided to do and not being that victim person anymore. It happened to me. Whatever happened to you happened. We can't change that. The only thing we can change is how do we decide to live from now?

How do you want your life to be? You want to be miserable for the rest of your life because sexual abuse happened to you because you were abused somehow or because you had an accident. It's a choice. For so many people, they're way much more into problematics, right? But at the end of the day, there's always little things that you can do to make your life better. And it's all about your mindset.

Pat Tenneriello (12:23)
Now, when you were 27 and you described the scene at the bar where you were kind of distancing yourself, like kind of getting a new perspective on what you were in and how you didn't want to be in it anymore. That's really interesting because I relate to that in terms of, for me, that was like a detachment of seeing my everyday actions and seeing how how

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (12:24)
you were 27 and you described the scene

yourself like kind of getting a new perspective on what you were in and how you didn't want to be in it.

because I relate to that in terms of, me, that was like a detachment of seeing my everyday actions and seeing how

Pat Tenneriello (12:47)
far apart they were from what I actually wanted out of my life and seeing that I was behaving in ways that I'm like, this isn't me. Like I kind of like lying to myself, my values, my integrity, like it was,

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (12:48)
far apart they were from what I actually wanted out of my life and seeing that I was behaving in ways that I'm like, this isn't me. Like, I kind of like lying to myself, my values, my integrity, like it was.

Pat Tenneriello (13:03)
I wasn't living from a place of integrity and it was not necessarily one moment where I noticed that, but usually I would notice it the most when my head was on the pillow the morning after doing something the night before.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (13:03)
I wasn't living from a place of integrity and it was not necessarily one moment where I noticed that, usually I would notice it the most when my head was on the pillow the morning after doing something the night before

Pat Tenneriello (13:16)
that I was like, why did I do that? I did it again. I felt, I feel the crap. I don't want to do this anymore. This life isn't serving me anymore. So I totally, like, I relate to the, that moment. Did you know

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (13:16)
that I was like, why did I do that? I did it again. I felt the crap. I don't want to do this anymore. This life isn't serving me anymore. So I totally, like I relate to that moment. Did you know?

Pat Tenneriello (13:31)
when you wanted to make that change, what that change was going to look like, or did you just know that you wanted to make a change that's that this wasn't serving you anymore?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (13:32)
when you wanted to make that change, what that change was gonna look like? Or did you just know that you wanted to make a change, that this wasn't serving you

anymore? I knew I was gonna, I wanted to work with youth, with youth, like young offenders. It was just inside, it was in me. I think it may sound a little bit weird, but it was a calling for me. It was like, okay, I'm going back to school and I'm gonna work with young offenders. And that's exactly.

Pat Tenneriello (13:45)
How'd you know that?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (14:01)
my path what happen. I was always drawn to people, youth that are suffering for maybe because I could see myself a little bit in them, you know, although I wasn't necessarily like an angry person. I was angry about things that happened to me. So I could relate and like relating to trust.

these young offenders, don't trust you. So I could relate to that. And I was like, maybe in my mind, I was hoping I could maybe give them that little sense of hope that you can trust someone with what happened and being able to communicate your needs and what you'd like.

Pat Tenneriello (14:49)
did you know that that's what you

wanted to do? it something that you had thought about long before? How did you come to that realization?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (14:52)
Was it something that you had thought about?

I think it was always in the back of my mind. I've always wanted to either go in psychology, social work or anything to help, to save. And then that's what brought me to where I am now.

Pat Tenneriello (15:12)
lot of people will have things in the back of their mind, plans, things they'd like to do, things they'd like to become, steps they'd like to take.

but change is hard and they end up staying in that bar for longer even though it feels like they want to make a change. What was it in your case that day that gave you courage, that gave you the appetite to confront change and to take that harder path?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (15:20)
but change is hard and they end up staying in that bar for longer, even though it feels like they want to make a change. What was it in your case that day that gave you courage, that gave you the appetite to confront change and to take that harder path?

I love your question. think what comes up when you're asking me the question is I was done.

with pretending and done with the suffering.

So what I mean by that is, and I don't want to make people upset, but when you are in the bar scene and the clubs and all that, it's a facade. It's a mask we put on, we want to enjoy. oftentimes, I've seen so many, it's like in movies, I've seen so many things where, you know, they flash their money, their dumb bling bling, everything. But at the end of the day, these people are not necessarily happy.

It's just like a coping mechanism. So for me, was like, okay, I hate my life. My life sucks. I don't know what I want to do in life. I'm a lost soul. So I'm just going to go in the bar scene and I had all the attention needed, you know, so it made me feel good because I didn't have that, the attention. so, and then, but at some point you realize like, it's not, it's not for me anymore. Good, good for other people if they're happy.

like no judgment there. But for me, I knew that it was time for me to do something else. And I've always loved to have the connection with people. So I wanted to have this therapeutic communication, connection with young offenders.

Pat Tenneriello (17:02)
That makes sense because you also chose a path that wasn't necessarily rich, going to bring you riches and fame and, you know, fortune. And maybe because you had been in that scene and you had seen people walking around and flaunting that, that it wasn't the be all end all. And that to aim at that or to aspire to be in that life, you knew better than that at that point in your life that you, guess you wanted something real. The word that comes to mind as I hear you talk is you wanted something.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (17:03)
sense because you also chose a path that wasn't necessary

and fame and you fortune and maybe because you had been in that scene and you had seen people walking around and flaunting that that it wasn't the be all end all and that to aim at that or to aspire to be in that life you knew better than that at that point in your life that you I guess you wanted something real the word that comes to mind is that here you talk is he wanted something

Pat Tenneriello (17:31)
real.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (17:31)
real yeah yeah and I'm still like that you know I would

Definitely take on a nice bottle of champagne watching the sunset over going in a high-end restaurant or having, you know, something that's more extravagant. for me, I crave, I crave connection. I crave true conversation that are meaningful. It feeds my soul and it makes me feel like that's my purpose.

Pat Tenneriello (18:03)
that transition toward that new career and leaving that life behind. In my case, I had entrenched habits. was in my thirties. didn't, that was the life I knew. So change happened very gradually, slowly. Sometimes I wanted it to go a certain way and I'd take, you I'd fall backwards into old habits. What did that look like for you, that journey?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (18:03)
transition toward that new.

In I had entrenched habits, I was in my 30s, that was the life I knew, so change happened very gradually, slowly, sometimes I wanted it to go a certain way and I'd fall backwards into old habits. What did that look like for you, that

journey? So I went back to school and I was still working on weekends.

when I started working for women in a shelter, woman shelter. And then I was working nights, so then I quit the scene, the bar scene and the restaurants. At times during this life, I went back. went back maybe, I remember maybe four years ago, I went back, four or five years ago.

to work in a high-end restaurant, Italian restaurant. And I still like the connection and I love to serve people with the nice food. I went back because I had no choice, you know, financially, sometimes it's not always easy when you work in the field where I am and their social work and you know.

therapy, psychotherapists, know, they don't make, we don't make the salaries that, you know, it'd be nice. Sometimes it's hard to understand when you're like, wow, like I, we save life from suicide at times, you know, but still it's not, the money is not rewarded for the work that when you work with humans, I find there's a big gap from office work, not that it's not,

Pat Tenneriello (19:39)
Hmm.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (19:44)
everyone to each, they have their own personal, not personal, but they have their own professional work. But I feel that it should be a little bit more rewarded when it comes to working with humans who are suffering and need the help.

Pat Tenneriello (20:00)
Yeah, I completely agree. So from the time you finished your education to your working with, what did that look like working with youth? What were you doing?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (20:01)
degree. So from the time you finished your education to your working with what did that look like working with you?

So after the woman shelter, I started working for people, for adolescent with conduct disorder in the residence. was rough too. Back in the day, we used to do physical restraints. So it was very hard for me because it would make me feel like some type of abuse towards children, towards youth.

because it's physically you have no choice, but when they were in crisis at some point you had to maintain and restrain them. And then after that I went to work with youth for a, I've done a lot. So youth justice for, I don't even know what it is.

The word is missing now. Justice et Reparatrice. Restorative justice, yes. Yes. So I worked in 11 schools in Ontario for first offense or for an offense that they would do and we would do some restorative forms with the victims and their families. And then I worked with youth who were on the streets.

Pat Tenneriello (21:02)
Restorative?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (21:22)
having to give them the crack pipes and that was that was another experience and giving them their their social service check from every month so having to check on them if they were where they were living what they were doing if they had like a place to stay if they had food and the support they needed so yeah it was that

That was also rough. And then I went to work at the detention center. So I've been around and I've seen for 25 years, I think now.

Pat Tenneriello (21:59)
And at the detention center was a youth.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (22:01)
was a

youth? Yeah, youth detention center in Ottawa. And I was the, so I was the anger management counselor there. So it was coming from either the court from the judge saying, depending on the, the offense and the charges, let's say it was anything that was related to violence, they would send the youth to me. So I was working within the facility, closed facility, but I was also working in the community. So let's say

they would do their sentence and then they would be out and there was some sometimes like meeting them in the community to see how they were doing and helping and also coming from probation officers.

Pat Tenneriello (22:39)
And you would describe it like

primarily by psychotherapy work. Is that how you would describe it?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (22:44)
For the anchor management, it was more of a program. So psycho-ed, but I also built it in a way where I would do some type of therapy, but then I wasn't really supposed to. Because that wasn't the mandate. The mandate from the ministry was you have to do six, eight session of a program, and then you get a certificate. And then it's like, check, check, check, it's done. You send it back to the...

probation officer and then probation officer puts that in the file so then when the kid, the youth, not the kid, but the young offender goes back, if he goes back to court, then they're like, okay, well you've done this, this, this, this, this, then what's next? So, but for me at some point it was like I grew into my career professionally. I've done so much training that I was somewhere else and I wanted to do more therapy, work with the youths.

And that wasn't my demanded of my position back in the day. So then I, I left two years ago and I, I work, I'm a subcontractor for an agency that works with people who have had car accident, vehicle accident and have acquired brain injuries and trauma that comes with the injury of the brain.

Pat Tenneriello (23:57)
of all ages.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (23:58)
Of all ages, I think the youngest was 14 and I have an 80 year old lady.

Pat Tenneriello (24:06)
Wow. So you have a breadth of experience that spanned a good chunk of it with youth, ⁓ young offenders, and now you do work with a broad range. And I'm wondering through all that rich experience that you have, what would be some key takeaways, some key things that have stuck with you that have really helped your population?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (24:07)
So you have a breadth of experience.

chunk of it with youth, ⁓ young offenders.

wondering through all that rich experience that you

Pat Tenneriello (24:33)
of people that you've worked with in your career.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (24:37)
So the first thing is to accept, try to accept the reality. So there's a part where you need to grieve depending on whatever situation you're in, whatever you have been through, there's a grieving part.

That grieving part also needs you to be gentle to yourself. What does that mean? That means self-care. When I talk about self-care, people are like, okay, I self-care, I take a shower, I take a long bath, I go for walks. No, self-care is much deeper than that. So what can it look like? It looks like, you know, being...

Pat Tenneriello (25:12)
Okay.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (25:17)
able to get up in the morning and do your gratitude. sometimes I get, but what is gratitude? How do you do that? How do you do that? You wake up. Some people like to have a glass of water with lemons. Some people like to have a coffee. Take that time for yourself. Don't be in a rush to go to work. Don't be in a rush. Get up a little bit earlier. Take that time to sit with yourself.

breathe. Taking little breath, deep breath, that's we teach that all the time. And often people that are not used to that think that it's a little bit weird or yeah, it may sound weird, but it's proven statistically that it works. A lot of people don't even know where their breathing stops. Just for fun, like right now, can you, is it down your belly or is it here? Or is it here?

So it's learning to, okay, that's why we say take a deep breath because the air needs to go in order to regulate your nervous system. Because oftentimes when we go through trauma, when we've been through trauma, we're always, always either flight, fight, flaunt mode, we don't know. Always like that hypervigilance, right? So it's really learning about these like,

we call it the window of tolerance.

The more aware you are of your body and your mind, then you can regulate yourself, right? So if you know that you're

Your, your, your throat is tight because you're stressing your chest. The air doesn't go through it's because you're stressed. So it's like, okay, I'll take a deep breath. Take a little moment. You know, like, so I was saying, learning how to regulate yourself by deep breathing is important in the morning. What are your intentions of the day? Right. Do you want to be angry the whole day because this happened to you or?

You want to choose to, okay, like maybe what can I do? What are the solutions? It's trying to find solution to your problems in order to take those solutions and take little actions, right? I talk about gratitude, it's just, thank you for this beautiful conversation we have together today in hopes that maybe, maybe one person will listen to us today and say, wow, I'm going to try that tomorrow. Maybe it's going to help me.

Being grateful are the little things. Being grateful for this beautiful sunshine outside. Being grateful for, I don't know, some people may have great families. Be grateful for that. Being grateful for the interaction you have with your friends. It's the little things. Some people think that life is grandiose and that's what makes them happy. Just the little thing is.

The more you have gratitude for what you have now, the more abundance is going to come to us. It's all about the way you feel. So if you feel good, you're going to bring good to you. If you feel... Can I say shitty?

Pat Tenneriello (28:18)
You can swear. Yeah.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (28:19)
If you feel shitty, well, chances are that life's going to be shitty, right? So I always teach self-care is my first. I always do a self-care assessment with my clients and we go from physical, emotional, professional, spiritual self-care and see what is it that you're doing well and what is it that you could do to make things a little bit better or work on.

And then from there, we start with that. So that helps me do my treatment, my plan, my treatment care plan and teach them. Sometimes they just don't know. Some people don't know how to take that time for themselves and gratitude. So these are the things I will always prone is gratitude, self care, and then the rest comes through actions.

Pat Tenneriello (29:08)
What would you say on

the gratitude side? I'm completely with you, by the way. I feel like when I'm, when I'm living in gratitude.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (29:11)
on the gratitude side.

Thank

Pat Tenneriello (29:16)
How can I put, maybe the other way, when I'm not living in gratitude, uh, you know, that's when it's like jealousy. feel, I have feelings of jealousy. have feelings of why can't I have that? Or I have feelings of inferiority because I see others advancing in ways that I'm not. so, uh, and I think social media, I think the fact that we're also connected.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (29:17)
Maybe the other way.

That's when it's like jealousy, have feelings of jealousy, have feelings of why can't I have that, or I have feelings of inferiority, because I see others advancing in ways that I'm not. And I think social media, think the fact that we're all so connected,

Pat Tenneriello (29:42)
And even people that are living in another strata, another world that, you know, I'm so, I get so connected

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (29:42)
and even people that are living in another strata, another world that I could so

connected to seeing these people in that lifestyle that they live, that it's easy to to fall prey to that way of thinking. And so I may forget, I may have moments of lapses of gratitude, but when I'm living in gratitude, for me, it could be journaling, it could be just while my head's on the pillow thinking of three things I'm grateful for,

Pat Tenneriello (29:48)
to seeing these people in that lifestyle that they live, that it's easy to get, to fall prey to that way of thinking. And so I may forget, I may have moments of lapses of gratitude, but when I'm living in gratitude, for me, it could be journaling. It could be just while my head's on the pillow, thinking of three things I'm grateful for.

then it really does set my day off on a different path.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (30:11)
then it really does set my day off on a different path.

Absolutely.

Pat Tenneriello (30:16)
And also helps me to go along with this idea of it's my path. You know, it's nobody else. My path is unique and maybe it won't have all those zeros in the bank account, or maybe it won't have that fame of all those followers on Instagram, but it's mine.

I'm not living someone else's dream or the dream that society tells me to live. So I think gratitude is in that too. I've come across people, Fab, that

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (30:43)
that they've suffered a lot of setbacks and suffered things that sometimes it's not even a fault of no fault of their own, you know, and so they get into this mentality of, it always happens to me. This shit always happens to me. Why me?

Pat Tenneriello (30:43)
they've suffered a lot of setbacks and suffered things that sometimes it's not even a fault of, of no fault of their own, you know? And it's, so they get into this mentality of, it always happens to me. This shit always happens to me. Why me?

How do you help people? don't know if you've had youth or you've had patients that have been in that, like, how do you help someone snap out of that?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (31:01)
How do you, how do you help people? I don't know if you've had youth or you've had patients that have been in that, like, how do you help someone snap out of that?

It's a great question, Pat, because when I think about some of my clients who've been through so much, car accident where you miss a leg, you miss an arm, or your brain has been hit and you're not the same person anymore. Your focus, your concentration, your memory loss, you get angry, you lash out and it's not you.

I can understand how for them they don't understand why it happened to them. I can relate to that, but at the same time, as a therapist, my job is to give them a lot of compassion, but also help them grieve from who they were before, right? And accept where they're at today. And I'm no doctor, I'm no expert.

And I know it's a long path for them to grieve that and to accept it. So they go through a lot of roller coaster and motion. And again, there's no right or wrong recipe. There's a recipe for each individual. But as long as you try to have this routine or do those little actions that

gives you that feeling of feeling content, it's what's going to help. So by having the gratitude, like you say, you you feel that feeling of like, okay, it feels good. Well, that's what you need to continue and try to find those little moments, you know, that is going to help you feel some type of content, but everybody has their own stories. So it's hard to say what's going to work for one.

necessarily but I know for sure that the more your mindset is set into the positive, the more you will be able to pursue your life with some type of recovery, rehabilitation.

Pat Tenneriello (32:57)
And what are some steps to grief? Like if someone needs to go through that, what does that typically look like?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (32:58)
some steps to grief? if someone needs to go through that, what does that typically

look like? It's a good question. I would say, you know, back in the day we would say that there were seven steps to grief, but actually it's just a roller coaster. It's just everyone's going to go through anger, denial,

And then eventually you're into survival mode because you still have a life and you still need to take care of the kids, for example, or you still need to go to work or whatever it is. But it's just like,

How can I say? Each day, each step is to take a little bit forward. I always think that if people are able to journal when they're grieving, it's part of the journey, it helps. Writing about it, being able to share with someone that you trust is going to help also accept what's happening, what happened to you and where you're at.

Sometimes you have to take some time off. By that I mean you have to be into your solitude. know, be in solitude with yourself. And sometimes you have to reach out to people and tell them that what you're going through is hard. Someone that you trust. So if you have at least one person that you can trust, that you can share, what's happening to you is one thing.

journaling is the second thing. I'm always going to say go for walks, go exercise, workout, and some reading. Reading about grief, reading about personal growth, podcasts. There's many things that people can do. It's just a matter of finding, trying things and say, okay, this is for me, this is not for me.

Pat Tenneriello (34:28)
you

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (34:44)
You know, for some people, I always say that to the young offenders. You know, we talk about meditation, mindfulness, breath work, and some of them are like, yo, what's that? You know, and I'm like, I don't blame you because, you know, I'm a little bit like you guys. So I give, I always give them the example. For me, it was boxing. I was going to the.

Pat Tenneriello (34:57)
Ha ⁓

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (35:11)
to the club, the boxing club, to box and to do the training because that for me was releasing all the stress, the negativity, the nervousness that I had. And I was an angry person, even though I don't look like I was angry and I'm a woman and we don't express it the same way as men, but it was all inside. So for me, that was working.

instead of going to a yoga class and doing Pilates. So some of the guys, you know, if for them it's to go and take it, you know, run like crazy, then run like crazy, you know, it's okay, it helps.

Pat Tenneriello (35:50)
Well, oftentimes if I'm in a mood, because I can get moody, I feel like if I practice self care, just one thing, if I go for a run or if I sit on the meditation mat for half an hour, usually I'll snap out of it. Sometimes I won't. Sometimes it'll take a couple of days and that's really frustrating because I feel like I'm doing everything right and nothing's helping. I feel kind of powerless in that situation.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (36:12)
And that's when you need to say to yourself, Pat, it's okay that I'm not okay today. Because we always want to be as perfect as possible. want, but sometimes, you know, it is what it is. We're not feeling it. We're not doing well. And it's accepting that and being able to say it first. And then, you know, it's easier to say, okay, today's a shitty day. I'm not feeling good at all. Tomorrow's going to be another day.

But if you see that you go down, down the hill and you're not coming back up, then you need to go talk to a professional for sure.

Pat Tenneriello (36:50)
anger, that's something we haven't talked about much on the podcast and it sounds like you've done some real work in this area. What sort of, we've talked a lot about maybe some of these things we've already talked about helps with anger, but there's anything else with emotional regulation, anger. In my case, I would say my anger tends to look like irritability. I get very irritable.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (36:49)
And anger, that's something we haven't talked about much on the podcast and it sounds like you've done some real work in this area. What sort of, we've talked a lot about maybe some of these things we've already talked about helps with anger, but is there anything else with emotional regulation, anger? In my case, I would say my anger tends to look like irritability. I get very irritable.

How do you typically help people with those?

Pat Tenneriello (37:14)
How do you typically help people with those?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (37:17)
I love your question. So always remind yourselves that anger is an emotion, just like being happy, right? But when we're angry, it's we call it a secondary emotion. Because it's like we say, it's the tip of the iceberg. Because underneath being angry, there can be some remorse, there can be some guilt, there can be some fear.

some anxiety. There's so many things that can be that's under a negative energy. It's much, much easier and I always tell that to the youths, the guys at the detention. It's much, much easier to lash out at someone and tell them to go themselves or punch them in the face or punch a wall than to say, listen, what you just said to me was quite hurtful and I'm not

I can't, I'm not, I'm not doing okay with that. Or it's much easier to do all these violence behavior than to say, I've had a shit life. My mom was in there for me and I'm so pissed at her and so hurt. Guys don't want to say that. Right? So when you're angry, it's to try to, try to be truthful to yourself and look at inside of you.

Why am I angry? Okay. Why is it pissing me off? Why is this person triggering me? Because the person is triggering you, the person's not doing it on purpose. It's you that's triggered. It doesn't belong to them, it belongs to you. So if you want to do the work, then look at yourself inside. Okay, that person, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you need a therapist to help you figure it out. Sometimes it can reminds you of your father being

who the father he was, sometimes it can be a teacher that was like being a bully, you know? So being angry is just, it depends on each other, each people, but it comes from what you've learned, what you've experienced, right? So learning how to regulate your anger is first being aware of your behavior.

Pat Tenneriello (39:28)
.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (39:30)
And then it's like, okay, how

can I do better next time? What can I change next time? And then when the next time comes, it's like, okay, I get it. You're impulsive. Cause you know, when people get angry, often it can be very, very quick, but there's always signs before you're going to lose your shit. Always a sign. Learn to retreat yourself, take a step back or go for a walk, go to the gym, listen to music, start writing.

you know, there's many, many things and learn to, again, when you're re you're able to take a step back, regulate yourself to bring you back to a state where you're, you're riding the wave. You'll feel much better, but it's a process because if you've always been angry your whole life, and I always tell that to the guys, you're 15.

18, 19, 20 years old, you've been angry your whole life. always ask, when was the first incident that you remember? Most often it was before school. So I always say, it's taking you 15 years, 20 years to be angry all the time. It's not gonna be a week now that you'll be okay. It's gonna be a process, it's gonna take time. And I always remember with the youths, their brain is not yet developed until they're

25 26 so ⁓ give give yourself some and and also give yourself some some tap on the on the back and and love in order to Because if you don't give yourself the love nobody else is gonna give it to you But when you're young, it's hard to understand that. How do you give yourself love? by learning to love yourself, right

Pat Tenneriello (40:56)
Hmm.

That's so important because I feel like today,

youth will grow up or a lot of people may grow up without ever hearing words of encouragement. people are, I think, I think people are starved for that, you know, to get that tap on the back. if it's

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (41:14)
grow up or a lot of people may grow up.

I think people are starved for that, you know, to get that tap on the back.

Pat Tenneriello (41:27)
It's external validation, I suppose, from someone that you care deeply about, like a parent or a teacher or something. And when you don't get that, this, then self-love is difficult to practice.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (41:27)
It's external validation, I suppose, from someone that you care deeply about, like a parent or a teacher or something. And when you don't get that, then self-love is difficult to practice. It's very hard, very hard. And it's, again, it's a process that you need to learn about who you are. What do you love?

Right? So by doing little action, I keep saying do little action every day. Get out of your comfort zone. You know, you like to play soccer. Well, try something else. You know, go play tennis instead and try if you like it or go to the movie by yourself. Sit down at a restaurant, go eat a meal with yourself. Enjoy yourself. If you cannot enjoy a meal with yourself by yourself, then you don't love yourself.

I always ask another thing that I'm going to suggest to your audience. Write down 50 things, 50 strengths about you. 50. If you can, write 100 and read them out loud.

Pat Tenneriello (42:15)
Please.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (42:26)
because that's who you are. Don't focus on, I don't have a degree and whatever. Don't focus on, my parents always wanted me to be, who cares? You have your own life and you have to cherish that. Not everyone has the opportunity to be here today. Not everyone. So again, what do you choose?

To be happy, if you want to be happy, then make yourself happy. Nobody else is going to do it for you, regardless of your life.

Pat Tenneriello (42:57)
Yeah. Yeah, it reminds me last year I got laid off from my job. I started working with a career coach and the first step with this career coach that she does with all of her patients ⁓ is strength exercise. She says, my people I work with, they forget all the amazing things that they've done up until this point.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (43:00)
Me.

step with this career coach that she does with all of her patients.

is strength exercise. says, my people I work with, forget all the amazing things that they've done up until this

point. You know, you get laid off or you're going through a transition and all of a sudden you feel, can, you might feel worthless. You might feel like you, you know, like you've been discarded. And so she spends the time really mapping out and recalling all those amazing things that you did. So your exercise reminded me.

Pat Tenneriello (43:22)
You know, you get laid off or you're going through a transition and all of a sudden you feel, can, you might feel worthless. You might feel like you, you know, like you've been discarded or, and so she spends the time really mapping out and recalling all those amazing things that you did. So your exercise reminded me of

that exercise I did with her.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (43:42)
of that exercise I did

with her. didn't talk much about resilience. But one thing that I think it's important for people to understand and know and practice is that resilience is not just like getting hit and getting back up, but it's like a long, slow, gentle and forward way.

to resilient because it's a lifeline thing. And if you built your resilience, you will heal much faster than if you don't.

Pat Tenneriello (44:20)
are steps that you can take to be, to build your resilience every single day?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (44:25)
I think it's taking ownership.

of your life and I think it would be self leadership and one thing I still work on is discipline.

Pat Tenneriello (44:36)
you work on discipline? Because for some people that's a dirty word. They don't like discipline. They put it with negative stuff.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (44:36)
you work on

It is for me!

So another thing that I teach, I teach or I share with my clients or with the youths when I'm in class is I what's her name, Robin.

she teaches about the 5 second rule.

just has a book called Let Them. Anyway, her name doesn't come. People will know who I am. Blonde lady. Anyways, super cool. Mel Robbins. Thank you very much. She shared the five second rules. I've learned this a couple years ago.

Pat Tenneriello (44:58)
I don't know it.

O'Mell, Mel Robbins?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (45:11)
And I share that with the youths in detention. And I share that with my clients today who are struggling. They're struggling with depression, struggling with anxiety, struggling with routine, struggling with life in general from trauma, from emotion regulation. And I always say five second rule. You wake up at a certain time, you have your alarm.

You get up, eyes open. You go, fuck, not another day. Or you go, today's going to be a great day. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up. ⁓ fuck, I have to do my bed. No, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I make my bed. I got to go to the gym. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. So the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 doesn't even give you the time to think. You just do it. It's not even a question.

That's discipline itself. So if you're able to do that,

Imagine the world belongs to you because you never question yourself. You're like, no, I'm doing it. This is it. So five second rule. I didn't make it. I'm yes.

Pat Tenneriello (46:12)
I didn't know that. I never heard that. That's okay. We'll, give her credit in the, in the episode

description, or you can own it. We can give it to you too, if you prefer.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (46:19)
Yeah. No, no, it's not mine.

But I love it. And I remember some of the guys still telling me, I think about you when the five second rule, am I great? Because that's how you're going to be able to build your discipline. Because it's not the motivation. Who has the motivation necessarily for things that you don't really want to do? No one. When people say, I don't have the motivation to...

I feel you. How about you try discipline?

Pat Tenneriello (46:47)
What, what, what comes to mind for me, when you talk about this is that it's kind of like the easy route versus the harder

route. It's kind like, and the easy route is it's going to give me short-term pleasure. I may get a few seconds. It's like the, know, if I go and open the fridge and eat something unhealthy, instead of getting my butt off the couch and going to watch, and going to the gym or choosing to click on the next episode on Netflix.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (46:57)
Sea Road is.

may get a few seconds. like the, you know, if I go and open the fridge and eat something unhealthy instead of.

and going to the gym or choosing to click on the next episode on Netflix

Pat Tenneriello (47:13)
When I know, know, I was going to go and sit on the mat and do meditation or do something that in the long-term I know is going to make me feel more, um, it's going to make me feel better. And so I think it's like that short-term versus that long-term. so that five second rule, I know once I get to the gym, I'm going to feel great and be like, thank, I'm glad you went, Pat, but it's just that those seconds

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (47:13)
when I know I was going to go and sit on the mat and do meditation or do something that in the long term I know is going to make me feel more better. It's going to make me feel better. And so I think it's like that short term versus that long term. And so that five second rule, I know once I get to the gym, I'm going to feel great and be like, thanks, I'm glad you went. But it's just that those

seconds of getting my butt off the couch. yeah. Really, really hard sometimes.

Pat Tenneriello (47:37)
of getting my butt off the couch. That's really, really hard sometimes.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (47:41)
I'm there. I still struggle. I come back from work. I'm done work and I'm exhausted because I listen all day and I try to suggest things. So oftentimes I just need to be in my own little world. I don't want to talk to no one. But sometimes, you know, like I push myself, push myself to

go see a friend or to do something with my little sister or to spend time with my daughter and her husband or you know, it's just like the little things to push yourself into getting out of the zone of not feeling the greatest. It doesn't come like that, right? It's just, it doesn't change in a day. It changes the day. Life.

is going to change the day that you decide that you deserve more.

Pat Tenneriello (48:29)
And how does that come about? Does that come about from building self-esteem? Like what is it that makes one feel like they deserve more?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (48:33)
Like what is it that makes one feel?

you just said it, it's knowing your worth, knowing that you deserve respect, knowing that you deserve to be happy. But slowly by doing one little thing a day with self care, with gratitude, doing exercises like the 50 or 100 strength of yourself and reading them out loud and believing it.

is gonna help you build yourself and love yourself.

Pat Tenneriello (49:05)
I want to come back to the victim hood, the victim mentality, the victim state you brought up earlier, because I think it's important. want to, for listeners, like how would you describe victim state to be in that state versus not being in that state? Like how would you, how would someone know who's listening saying, well, maybe I'm in victim state. Like what does that look like? And versus someone who's not. Okay. Okay.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (49:09)
victim state.

I want to, for listeners.

victim state to be in that state versus not being in that state. how would you, how would someone know who's listening saying, maybe I'm in victim state. Like what does that look like? Complaining, complaining all the time.

Okay. You know, you kind of said it earlier on. Why me? Why, why don't I have this? Why is, you know, comparing yourself being envious of others?

Being moody all the time, you know, like, or having coping mechanisms that are unhealthy when you're going through some tough times, you know, you're gonna relate to going to, I don't know, alcohol, or not that it's wrong, but, you know, excessive, being excessive or addiction. You know that you're unhappy and people can see it by the actions that...

or the behavior that you have, as opposed to, you know, look, look at me back in the day, you know, being being somehow, somehow fake, you know, portraying that I was all that and a bag of chip. Deep down, I was a lost soul didn't know what I was going to do in life. I had I was probably depressed. And so many

you know, feelings of not being happy. And people could would thought that I may have been happy, but people that knew me knew I wasn't. And as opposed to, you know, like, and it's the same thing, like being in relationship that are not meaningful, just to be in a relationship being codependent, you know, and then eventually the switch is like, well, look at me now. I

Pat Tenneriello (50:45)
Yeah.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (51:01)
I I have a good career. I think that I support people. I feel in my heart that I think I'm at the right place. know, ⁓ being able to be by yourself. Some people are never been able to be without a partner. That's because maybe somewhere you're not happy with yourself. You can't fulfill your own needs. So the more you...

grow into the person you want to be, you know, you can also see it as when you were a child, become the person that you would have needed when you were a kid.

Pat Tenneriello (51:40)
I like that.

It also makes me think of the word aiming up, like aim at something, aim to be better every single day. Even if you're never, even if you don't get to what you're aiming at, at least you're going in that direction. When I was in party mode, when I was in going out mode, when I was in serial dating mode, I wasn't aiming at anything. I was just aiming at pleasure. was aiming at fun. And it was like, I was biding my time. It was just.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (51:43)
steep.

aiming up.

Aim to be better every single day. Even if you don't get to what you're aiming at, at least you're going in that direction. When I was in party mode, when I was in going out mode, when I was in serial dating mode, I wasn't aiming at anything. I was just aiming at pleasure. I was aiming at fun.

It was like I was biding my time.

was just time was marching on and nothing was, it was just the same, same old. And you know, the more pleasure, pleasure is like, it's like a bottomless pit. It's like, can just keep chasing pleasure. And so I think of aiming up once I started aiming at an ideal and trying to move in that direction, that's when steps to becoming better started, the changes started to materialize. True. And it,

Pat Tenneriello (52:09)
time was marching on and nothing was, it was just the same, same old. you know, the more pleasure, pleasure, it's like a, it's like a bottomless pit. It's like, can just keep chasing pleasure. And so I think of aiming up once I started aiming at an ideal and trying to move in that direction, that's when steps to becoming better started, changes started to materialize.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (52:35)
Also something that's important to remind ourselves, it doesn't mean because you want to be happy, you're aiming for this, that you're not going to get into bumpy roads. There's always going to be ups and downs in life. But it's to learn, and I always say that, learn to ride the wave. Life is like a wave, goes like this, and learn to ride with it. When it gets too bumpy, then that's when you need to take a step back and

You know, self care or, or you use strategies that works for you from meditation to writing or, or doing, doing what makes you feel good. I also think of your friend, Brenda. said that Brenda was the friend who said, Hey, you're a bit heavy, know, was like 20 years ago. What stuck with me is I used to be hungry for that type of.

Pat Tenneriello (53:13)
I also think of your friend Brenda. said that Brenda was the friend who said, you're a bit heavy, you know.

but, but, what stuck with me is I used to be hungry for that type of friendship.

So a friend who will actually call you out and say, Hey, you may not call out your blind spots, the things that you don't realize about yourself that might hurt your feelings to have a friend who's willing to call it out.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (53:29)
So a friend who will actually call you out and say, you may not call out your blind spots, the things that you don't realize about yourself that might hurt your feelings. To have a friend who's willing to call it

out and maybe not know what's going to happen after, like that is really rare. And we used to have, I had a group of friends, used to go out.

Pat Tenneriello (53:47)
and maybe not know what's going to happen after. Like that is really rare. And we used to have, I had a group of friends, we used to go out, we'd

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (53:58)
We'd take a few drinks to kind of lubricate the situation. But what we would do is we'd sit around the table and we used to call it oath. And it was basically this idea of having a table of honesty where we'd go around and kind of call each other out on our shift.

Pat Tenneriello (53:58)
take a few drinks to kind of lubricate the situation. But what we would do is we'd sit around the table and we used to call it oath. And it was basically this idea of having a table of honesty where we'd go around and kind of call each other out on our shit.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (54:16)
You know, it didn't always go the way we, you know, it was meant to go and probably wasn't Althea's thing because there was alcohol involved, but.

Pat Tenneriello (54:15)
you know, it didn't always go the way we, know, it was meant to go and probably wasn't the healthiest thing cause there was alcohol involved, but

in some ways we got to get called out on blind spots. didn't know we're there. So.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (54:25)
In some ways we got to get called out on blind spots we didn't know were there.

And be real with one another. And be real with one another. Yeah, till this day I'm still friends with her. She's ⁓ a lovely human being who has a share of her life that wasn't easy and did a lot of therapy and growth and she's just a wonderful human. So yeah.

Pat Tenneriello (54:32)
and be real with one another.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (54:50)
being surrounded by people that have

Energy that brings the best out of you, that's richness itself.

Pat Tenneriello (55:00)
tell me a little bit about that?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (55:01)
would say that the friends that I have, which I can count on my hand, we've been friends for a long time and people that have that in their life, it's like a little treasures because when you're able to have those relationships with people that can like, again, talk about the true, that's who you are and confront you with shit that hurts and you don't really want to hear.

Are you true friends? But these friends also help you become the best version of yourself. Because if they weren't there, you wouldn't be growing up and you wouldn't be confronted with your truth because you wouldn't want to see it. Right? Or you don't see it. And when they confront you with it, then you're like, okay, now I know. I know that I have that behavior. Now I know that I've done this. What can I do to change? You can't say you didn't know. So

If you want to grow and continue to love yourself and aim whatever you want then.

Pat Tenneriello (56:00)
And they say true friendship is also when a friend is genuinely happy for you when things are going well

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (56:01)
they true friendship is also when a friend is genuinely happy for you when things are

it's not easy to find true friendship

It takes trust and it takes being able to be vulnerable. Same thing as a relationship, loving, like a partner, a life partner. If you don't have trust and you can't be vulnerable with them, you'll never have any, nothing.

Pat Tenneriello (56:25)
And I find I'm most connected with my partner when I'm vulnerable and actually saying something that I feel like is a negative of me or makes me like shows a weaker side of me. That's actually when that builds the connection with my partner.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (56:26)
most connected with my partner when I'm vulnerable and actually saying something that I feel like is a negative of me or makes me like shows a weaker side of me. That's actually when that builds the connection with my

partner. course. Yeah. If you're being able, if you're true to yourself, then you're being vulnerable towards your partner. And then it opens up this, this connection that it's going to tighten, tighten your relationship even more. I agree.

Pat Tenneriello (56:53)
I like to bring the interviews to a close with this question, Fab. Growing up means something different to every person. Everyone has their growing up story. You've shared a piece of yours today. What does growing up mean to you?

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (56:54)
I'm to the interviews to a close with this question, Fab. Growing up means something different to every person. Everyone has their growing up story. You've shared a piece of yours today. What does growing up mean

to you?

Growing up means being truthful to yourself. Growing up is accepting things that you can change. Growing up is taking accountability for yourself. Growing up is

being able to connect with yourself.

And growing up means...

to push for your dreams and go get

Pat Tenneriello (57:32)
Well, thank you for taking the time to have this conversation. I'm very grateful for the conversation. I really enjoyed it. I think there's a lot of rich ⁓ things that listeners will take away that I did and some topics that we haven't covered before. So thank you for sharing your rich experience with us and I hope to speak with you again.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (57:33)
Well, thank you.

I there's a lot of rich ⁓ things that listeners will take away that I did and some topics that we haven't covered before. So thank you for sharing your rich experience with us. my pleasure Pat. I hope to speak with

you again. Namaste.

Pat Tenneriello (57:56)
Namaste. Bye bye.

Fabienne ( Fab) Galhidi (58:00)
Okay, bye.

Pat Tenneriello (58:00)
Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of After Peter Pan. If it resonated with you, I'd love if you could leave us a like, drop us a rating. It really helps to drive new audiences to the show. Thanks again and until next time.